The Post Where I Try to Think

Once, walking along an East London street on a November morning, I shook out the last bits of tobacco from its pouch, and rolled an anemic cigarette. I turned to Dan, the smoker of my two companions, and my bleary, hungover, upturned eyebrows asked him if he wanted to split it with me. He shook his head, which meant that we were really hung over. I felt a bit chastised for wanting to smoke, and bent against the wind to light it, saying, "This is either going to go really badly or really well." Dan chuckled that he understood, and I felt at least a bit less disgusting and totally alone. This post is going to be like that. Pardon my thinking outloud.

To swim, I need my tri shorts and bike jersey on under my wetsuit. I need a swim cap under my goggles and then a swim cap over those more to protect against my superstition that the goggles will get knocked off in the scramble of the swim start than to actually protect against that happening. I become a really nervous version of myself before sports happen. The top cap will be provided when I check in on Friday by the race people, so I have the right color for my wave. I just need to bring the bottom cap. Maybe I will wear the cap from Wildflower, as a talisman that I Can Do This. No, that is crazy. I have worn the black cap all season. I will wear the black cap.
I need to lube my wrists, NECK, and ankles with Body Glide to protect against chaffing. I prefer to spray PAM on my wrists and ankles to get the wet suit on and off more easily. I heard once that this is bad for the wet suit, and I am borrowing the wet suit, so I will feel bad when I do this, but I will do this anyway.
So for swimming I need:
-tri shorts
-bike jersey
-swim cap x2
-goggles
-Body Glide
-PAM cooking spray
-ah, and I will have to have my timing chip on my ankle already.

When I transition from swimming to biking, I will need to have my towel, laying under my bike on the rack. I need to lay things out in the order I will need them. I will have begun stripping off my wet suit upon exiting the water and running to my transition area. I will get that off. I will already be in my biking clothes. I will sit down on the ground, and rub my feet on the towel to dry them. I'll put Body Glide on my arches, across the tops of my toes, and on the back of my ankle, along my Achilles. I will wonder if this will still be present at all by the time I am running, when I really need it. I will need a second tube of Body Glide in the Bike-to-Run transition area (note for further down). I will rub some Body Glide on my arm pits which are nowhere near rubbed raw at all, but which I am superstitiously worried about, never having attempted this much effort in one day. My socks are in my bike shoes, I put on my shoes, I put on my shoes. I think I should spray more sunblock on myself, but I think they have more on the course, and I will skip it. I stand up. My helmet is resting on my aero bars on the bike hanging from the rack. In the helmet, on top of a pile, is my bike cap. I put it on, backwards, tucking my hair in the back; I turn the brim of the hat up. I shove on my sunglasses. I pull on my bike gloves, which I have made sure are ready to go on - the fingers are not bunched in their holes. I put the helmet on, adjusting the back around the brim of the bike cap, and pulling the front down low on my forehead. I tug down my jersey, I pull my bike off the rack, I run to the mounting line. I get on my bike, I bike out of Guerneville.

WAIT.
Shit.
Fuck.
Water bottles. Food.
On my bike I have four water bottles - one an hour, a low average of 15 miles an hour. This should get me to Mile 60, and Special Needs is at Mile 57. The first and second water bottles are Food Drink - Sustained Energy, no flavoring. The third bottle is Gatorade, probably Fruit Punch. I'm basic. The fourth bottle should be Gatorade, but I have been advised to make it straight water, to douse myself with when the temperature gets to 95 or so. I will most likely throw this and any other empty, non-nutrition bottles away in the course of the day, in favor of bottles full of water handed out along the course. There should be two or three aid stations before Special Needs. I briefly (now, not on race day) think about taking fewer bottles. I decide, now, that this is not worth the possible panic this will give me on race day. I have already had anxiety dreams where I forget to bring ANY bottles to the race. I have two PowerBars, each cut in half, that I shove in my jersey. I will eat these during the second and fourth hours. Part of me is scared that I should take more food, even though, if anything, this is more than I have ever needed. There are Clif Bars at the aid stations. I decide not to carry more food than I am used to.
Now I ride out of Guerneville.
For the bike ride I need:
-towel x2 - for feet and just in case
-Body Glide
-socks
-bike shoes
-bike cap
-sunglasses
-bike gloves
-helmet
-sunblock?
-Water Bottles x4 - 2 Food, 1 or 2 Gatorade, maybe 1 water
-two PowerBars - a Chocolate Brownie and a Honey Nut
-Survival Kit - spare tube, CO2 cracker, CO2 cartons (shit! I need to buy more!), patch kit, dollar bill, tire irons - should I carry an extra spare tube?? I am so paranoid!!!

At Special Needs, I will have a spare tube and that one Allen wrench - my water bottle cage always gets loose, and I might need to tighten it a bit. I will have two empty water bottles - they will each have Sustained Energy powder in them. I will have two store-bought bottles of water that I will have cracked the seal on - I will dump water in the Food bottles now, and give them a shake, but save most of the shaking for out on the course. I will have two more bottles - maybe a Gatorade and a water. I will have one more store bottle of water, in case I want to dump the Gatorade and just have water, if it is very hot and artificial & sweet foods are cloying to me. I should have spray sunblock in this bag, probably. This is probably a better place for it than at Swim-to-Bike. I will have two more PowerBars that I won't be able to cut in half - they will probably melt as it is, even in their wrappers.
To pack my special needs bag, I need:
-water bottles x4 - two with only Powder, 1 or 2 with premade Gatorade, maybe 1 just water. Wait, go with one just water. Will need for dousing, it is 1 pm or later and very hot.
-3 store bought bottles of water. Is that right? I don't want to read back. Sure, three.
-spare inner tube, maybe a spare tire. Oh, spare CO2 in case I have used it all. Allen wrench.
-two Powerbars - chocolate brownie & Honey Nut
-spray-on Sunblock
-my capitalization is going tits up.

For bike to run....oh I am feeling tired just thinking through it all. I want to change my jersey, I do not like running in this jersey. Stop. Lay it out in order.
I will have a towel on the ground, underneath where I will rack my bike. I will use the colorful squiggly beach towel, so I recognize my spot quickly. I will rack my bike, toss my helmet off, rip off my gloves. I will rip of my jersey and try not to mind that I am losing time. It's already been nine or more hours. What's 30 seconds? I pull on the new jersey. I sit down. I take off my bike shoes. If I think I need more Body Glide, I will roll down my socks and put it on. I take my watch out of my left running shoe and put it on my wrist. I slip on my running shoes WHICH ARE UNTIED AND LOOSE, ready to lace and tighten!!! I quickly apply Body Glide to my armpits and under arms. I start heading to the RUN OUT, and I turn my bike cap around so the brim is in front. I forgot my bandana. I have a bandana, I tie it around my neck. When I get to the first aid station I will soak this with water, maybe pack it with ice. I forgot my food. I have four GU's (flavor = Just Plain) that were on the towel - they go in the pockets of my run jersey, but it is cumbersome to put on if they are already in it. I don't need a water bottle, because there are aid stations every mile. Hm. I will take a water bottle. I will chuck it if I don't need it.
To run I need:
-run jersey
-running shoes
-watch
-Body Glide
-1 GU per hour - 4 - is this optimistic? I think its okay...there is food on the course...
-water bottle (take from bike)
-Head Lamp - for when it is dark on the course. I won't pick this up til the 2nd or 3rd (please 3rd not second, please never maybe!) loop through transition, but it needs to be in the bag.
-spray on sunblock

Is this it?
I should go away from this for a day. Read tomorrow. See if I forgot anything.
Pheeeeee-eeeewwwwwwww.....ffffffffffffff (deflation sound).